One day, I’m going to make a website where I can say whatever I want. Twitter or Facebook (or a blog) is supposed to do this for us, but we all know they really don’t.
There are so many things we’re not supposed to say. Things that would scare your friends if you said them out loud or just depress them.
“I’m pretty sure I’m going to be a horrible husband.”
“My dreams are all empty.”
“I know there are a lot of people who have it worse off than me, but I really don’t care.”
“At least I know I’m a disappointment.”
“Pretty sure most of my friends wouldn’t notice if I was gone.”
I’d post this stuff and more, not because any of it is true, but just to get it said. No need for a long string of comments asking “You okay, bud?” or “Hang in there”. No need for fortune cookie encouragements like “The night is darkest just before the dawn.” No need for my family and loved ones to look over my page and wonder if I’m doing okay.
We don’t say these things because we believe them. We say them because we’re afraid they’re true and we think we’re protected if we just accept it.
For as many awful days as I have where I believe all these lies, there are just as many (and more) days where life is actually pretty darn good.
But on those bad days…the lies seem so real.
So maybe if instead of saying proclaiming lies on my fancy website to protect myself, maybe I can say them to call them out and reveal them for the twisted fiction that they are. Put it all up on a bill board like “Hey! These things aren’t true!”
It’s actually not a very good idea for a social media page, but it’s a thought. I’ll put it on the back burner.
For now, I’ll get this stuff off my chest in long angry prayer sessions, in quiet talks with good friends, or just shouting it into my steering wheel on the way home from work.
You know, the old fashioned way.